"Wear a thong" *kinda* ryhmes with "marathon". don't it?

I was lying in bed sick... the phone rang... it rang some more... fek it would not stop ringing.. I rolled out of bed in a wave of nausea... it was some man asking for my wife by her official name... meaning it was someone from the police... tax department... or any asshole beauracrat... "no ... she is at work " I replied... he must have been able to tell from my tone that i was not happy... cause he hung up in my ear... I crashed back into bed... crap too fekking late... can't get back to sleep... so here I am annoying you lot...
I ran the marathon last weekend.. I got to the 30 k mark in 2 hours 57 minutes.. I know this cause there is a huge digital clock which told me so... it then took me 2 hours and 8 minutes to complete the last 12 k's.... despite being fitter than last year the crash when it came was alot worse.. in fact it was so bad that I thought I was not going to be able to stagger across the finish line... the only thing that made me get there was the t-shirt that you get for finishing... never mind there is always next year... when I got home instead of resting up the wife and I went to the casino and gambled till three in the morning... starting out with two hundred dollars I twice got down to my last twenty dollar note... and worked my cash reserve back up to two hundred plus.. I ended up walking out with one hundred and thirty which was very frustrating considering how much effort I had put in.... just like the marathon there is always next time...
as an aside.. if there are any of you out there that want me to chop you off my mail list please advise... as i only want to irritate those nearest and dearest...
ciao for now and my best wishes to you all... especialy the female ones

use.... less.... stupid... period spacing...

I wrote a huge uppiedate and then attempted to save it to draft. However, I lost it. As you will have noticed by now I am attempting to write with full punctuation. This is because Fiend, in all his wisdom, decided to blogg my emails and some asshole, I think his name was John, said my dot, dot dot, pauses were stupid. Well suck shit asshole. Lets get to the real subject matter which is the Triplets birthday. What started out as a simple family lunch and a teenage boozy frolic in the evening turned into lunch for one hundred (we had seating for eighty) and about seventy teens turned up to drink the night away. Thank God for family, we put down a hangi, this is where you dig a hole in the ground, about thigh deep, light a big fire to heat a whole pile of rocks, dump the rocks in the hole, put the meat and vegetables you wish to roast in a basket, lower the basket onto the rocks, cover with cloth and wet sacks, cover with earth, then dig it up two hours later and eat. Prepare a whole lot of seafood salads, chowders, and yummy tidbits and you have a feast to feed the masses. The feature for me though was the pineapple pie, it would have made Fluffies toes curl, I thought of you hun when I ate it. As you would realize the preparation and execution of this event was a monumental drain on Uppie's financial and personal resources. I gave a speech which had my sensitive daughter sobbing (this was most discombobulating in front of a crowd) and later that night, in fact the next morning as I tucked the drunken slitch into bed, she gave me slobbery kisses and told me how much she loved me even though she does not show it much. I must say i disengaged myself from her vomit breathed charms assuring her that I new this. As for the party it went well, the behavior was exceptional, not even any ugly drunk type stuff, I only had one vomiting comatose drunk that I had to make sure kept breathing through the night. I thought of you Fiend as I fulfilled this duty. I turned off the music at twelve thirty and told them all to bugger off, which they did with good grace, though it took till three in the morning to get the last of them away. I thought I would sleep in, however I was up at five the next morning, to check on comatose drunken vomit boy, he reminded me again of Fiend, so I decided to start cleaning up. This activity continued for the next three days. In closing all I can say is thank god it's over. Next up is the twenty first, luckily I get a five year rest before that one. Oh and John you faggot does this pass muster you punctuation nazi.

excuses excuses excuses

greetings to you all... the long and the short and the tall.... the fat and the thin ones... the old and the young ones... enough enough already... as most of you will have noticed uppie has not been online alot lately... in fact not at all really... the reasons for this is... manyfold... but to give you all the short story... I am very busy getting the house ready for the triplets 16th birthday... oh my god... sigh sigh and dammit sigh... it seems to have grown like topsy... lots of family from all over the country have decided to turn up.. I have been painting cleaning and repairing the house... buying party tents.... arranging food.. it's only 10 days to go.. hell have not even worked out the booze side of it... it's been a night and day effort and I'm still not at a point where I think I'm ready for the influx of hungry people.... obviously I will give you all the gossip once the party is over...