If a tree falls in New Zealand, .... does it go up or down?

Good morning to you all... my captive audience.. the readers of my own private blogg I have to assume that most of you listen... because the mail does not come back.. however it would be nice to get a signal from some of the long lost contacts... heaven forbid that we would ever start conversing in real time again.. but some of you have been silent for over two years now.. surely there is something I have said that could have shocked you into hitting reply... ok to todays update... not much happening here... however we are now in the third day of a summer storm that has destroyed one of my biggest trees .. it broke in the middle and when it came down it took out two smaller ones... and another big one has been damaged beyond repair and will have to go... the wind is blowing and the rain coming down as I type.. if this keeps up for much longer I'll have no trees left...

cheers from a whimpering uppie

water + laptop = 3-4 day holiday!!!

As some of you will be aware I have been away for the last four days at the Waikato Swim Champs.. this is a regional competition involving about 260 swimmers... swimming in seven sessions over four days.. It was my first time as Meet Director.. this is the person who runs the show and makes all the decisions regarding the meet process, structure and swim rules.. It's a high preasure job but boy it makes the time fly by... dealing with the ego's of some 50 or so officials and in fact just arranging their schedules and getting them poolside was very trying... the equipment went well.. we run all electronic timing with three laptops and an electronic rear projection scoreboard.. two of the laptops are brand new as is the scoreboard... and a configuration problem with the laptop controling the scoreboard caused alot of grief in session three.. being Meet Director means holding alot of meetings with coaches, team managers and officials... and trying to think of everything...but telling people what to do comes naturaly for me... uppie looks over his shoulder to see if the wife is peeking.. the meet is held in Hamilton which means staying over in a motel.. the plus side of this is that Hamilton has a casino... and you all know my love of gambling... luckily I won a thousand dollars on a pokey machine with this cash in my pocket I then went and played Texas Holdem.. cards is something I really enjoy... and won another one hundred and thirty dollars... I would have played all night but I had to get up for swimming early next morning .. the winnings meant it was an all expenses paid weekend with a little left over for frivilous expenditure... and I did not have to tap into my savings account... I only have one girl who swims competitively now and she won a silver and two bronze medals.. to give you an idea of the level she swims at.. the girl who got gold in her agegroup.. is a new Zealand squad member and only fractions of seconds away from qualifying for the Commenwealth games.. hmmm what else.. well it's raining here and I am on holiday for the next three or four days so maybe I'll go back to bed and snooze..
greetings to all Uppie

...fraught with thought, our little upaut...

Yanno watching the developement of my teenagers sexuality has become more fraught... with what is it fraught I hear you ask... buggered if I know I'm just fraught... It's not so bad folding the washing and dealing with the "big girl" bras.. the wife is not big... even the skirts and tops that I wouldn't dress a slut in.. yanno well I am old... you even expect to find condoms in the big boys room .. after all he is 19.. even if he is a 19 year old dickhead... but finding a condom in my daughters hipster jeans... well at least it was not a used one ... did I scream "you slut you are destroying the family name"... nope... I swallowed hard and calmly advised them that condoms are not a very good method of contraception.. 60% sucess rate.. blah blah go to the doctor blah blah... I got a good explanation for it's presence.. "it's not mine it's Monique's... I was just minding it for her" ... if you say so girl.. the other thing that is disturbing are the Cleo's the girls are reading... I remember Cleo.. pretty racy stuff in my day .. but full of good sexual advice for young girls.. well hell I had a read.. Oh My God really it is just porn for girls... the sealed section on orgasms was not so bad though it made me cringe.. but the short stories featuring casual sex with strangers for kicks !!! bumping into a man on the subway and casualy fucking him when the lights go out.. this is not safe sex girls....

one last thing while bemoaning this to cuddly.. she informed me that condoms "fall off" how does this happen ... they always seemed a little tight to me... also and this was new knowledge for uppie.. they can get lost up there.. and women go to the doctor to get them removed... ok girls this is confession time... have you ever lost a condom... hmmm... just where the hell do they go... or if you have any good condom stories please feel free to share them with us all...

Cheers Uppie... fraught