Ok I promised.. so here it is .. I sit in the early (very) morning putting finger to keyboard.. when I clicked the above addy’s it will be with interest to myself which will come back dead so to speak… anyway… the events I am about to relate to you all may be of interest to you, they may not.. but they are of interest to me, not so much the events themselves but my emotional understanding of and reaction to them which is still in a state of flux…
I am adopted.. and have been aware of this state of paternal and maternal legality for as long as I can remember… it is something that does affect you and that you have to come to terms with but to do that from a very young age.. between five and ten years I came to an understanding of what adoption meant and how others regarded the morality of my birth… not all good..
With the arrival of my own children.. the need? The desire? The curiosity? .. who knows maybe it is just something innate that desires to know origin, led to me seeking my birth mother … it was not a long search and it led me to a mother two half sisters and a brother… meeting my mother was like meeting someone I already knew… a confirmation that your genetic heritage is the dominating force of your id as opposed to the influence of nurture on your ego … it was discombobulating my realisation that I knew not so much what she was thinking but how she thought… she was so like me in many ways… I have a good relationship with her and a reasonable relationship with one of my half-sisters… my iron rule with this stuff is not to intrude and also not to let them intrude on me and mine… all this occurred thirty years ago.. so I have had plenty of time to digest, resolve, restore my equilibrium… when you find additional family members you then take on additional emotional and spiritual (I do not know if this is the right term.. best I could do) responsibility/obligation… as the explanation of fatherhood was vague and I could see no value in the pursuit I was happy to leave things alone..
With the advent of DNA and the ability to cheaply research your genetic heritage… my younger son did a DNA test and found that he was 30% Polish as this cannot have come from his mother it meant I was at least 60% Polish… this was unexpected.. also he had found and with the rashness of youth started communicating with a woman who from his understanding of the DNA protocols (and the fact that my other half sister had also shown up) had to be my half sister on my fathers side.
And in fact she is.. maybe I would have left it there .. I certainly would have put a lot more thought into making contact.. if I had made contact at all… this decision was taken from me… all to the good I suppose… as I would not know and be where I am today…
Maria is 99% Polish a disappointment for her and points to the fact that the Polish do not get out much… she is an only child who has always wanted an older brother .. and suddenly here I am… her enthusiasm for our situation is at once daunting and infectious and though wary have found myself warming to her open acceptance of all circumstance surrounding us… Her Father and his brother came to New Zealand as part of the Pahiatua (that’s a place in NZ) Polish orphans (800 of them) migration to New Zealand. The division of Poland by the Germans and the Russians left my fathers family on the Russian side he and his family were swept up and shipped to forced labour camps in Russia after much privation (think starvation) he and two bothers survived… when Russia became an ally of the west.. Britain insisted that the Polish deportees had to be released as Poland was not an option they were shipped to Persia (now Iran) and kept there till the end of the war… at this time the option was return to Poland under Russian rule or go else ware… obviously they chose the latter .. one brother moving to Canada and the other two to New Zealand..
The problem being with one possible father deceased and an Uncle still alive but unaware.. it took some slightly devious DNA testing to confirm that Marias father was my own….
I have a Maori wife and have political, economic and social radical (you would think) attitudes to the ways of the world (where the hell do you think my cynical nature derives) .. suffice to say Maria is as far away from me as chalk from cheese on all the afore mentioned fronts… this is not bad nor good just fact…
So after just getting to grips with all of this… having had no time to draw breath… my boy comes to me and says.. there is another.. this time older and half Maori man who must be my half-brother… WTF… best description .. sweet weepin jeebus.. My father when he came back from deaths door must have had a relaxed attitude to all things… note here that I do not judge just observe… he fathered a child with a Maori girl that he also did not take responsibility for… I had to snicker slightly because now it was Marias turn to be surprised and discombobulated… we have all met and have come to and are still coming to terms with this new family situation and I am certainly happy to have met and have no regrets with progress so far… though the juggling of all the family interconnections sends me into a spin at times…
To sum up Pita (brother) was aware of his fathers and background prior to DNA . Maria (sister) obviously knew her father but not about us… I was unaware of any of them… so my attitude is more distant and cold as opposed to theirs… I now have a massive family on my side of the equation whereas before (genetically speaking) it was just me… I am sad that at the end of my days (60) not the end yet but certainly diminished vitality… I just wish this had happened 30 years ago…
Ok so there it is (sigh) I cannot do justice to the emotional upheaval with my written words you will just have to read between the lines…
Cheers Uppie… I have not used him for a long while..
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