us

Good evening... soon to be morning for me at least... as it is now 11.50... There is a young girl at work who is pregnant... well not that young... I must ask her her age... you know the type though... she is an HR Manager rather good looking in an odd sort of way... and has the management personality... young confident good looking and successful...

As is my wont I have been teasing her about it... and I made the comment that her pregnancy had changed her relationship with her husband... she asked me in what way... it got me thinking about it... relationships I mean... the thing about children is that ... yes they change your relationships with your partner your parents your other children... but most of all it changes your relationship with yourself... which got me thinking about all the other things that happen the death of parents the success or failure of work or marriage... the thing is life is all about relationships but the one you have with yourself is the most interesting and the one we work at the least... in fact we subsume the one we have with ourselves in deference to the relationships we have with others... no answers here I'm afraid... my message today is think about how you interact with yourself more specifically ego to id... there has to be a balance somewhere... I am convinced that achieving that balance between ego and id is the key to happiness...

oh and big breasts help also...

uppie rant

A lot of us here are sick of the Blobbit…. Even though I live in Matamata which is the home of Blobbiton… and we have a statue of Gollum in the middle of town… that every time I go past it, has people in front of it getting their photo taken… and we have bus tours out to the movie set… I say fuck Warner’s and fuck Peter Jackson take your movie to China and hire yourself a whole lot of slit eyed Blobbits and make your movie there on the cheap… I know we are all Mexicans with cell phones here but if we Kow Tow to every black mailing pirate corporation that wants more money and law changes to do business here.. Then we might as well be serfs doffing our caps to the master every time he spits in our face… Rant over…

Normal Viewing

Good morning people... men women and children... yes shrimp to the rest of us you are still a child no matter how big bootsy you are feeling... It's three thirty five in the morning and I have been awake since eleven last night... I've given up on sleeping... and am now waiting to go to work... for all my Australian viewers I watched the Silver Ferns kick Aussie ass last night at the common wealth games... well they did not really kick that much ass just hung on for grim death and got lucky at the end... I know you guys just hate coming second but you gotta get your girls not show so much sour grapes when they are getting silvered it gives us so much satisfaction...

Now theres something for all of us ex British Empire people to think about we are all part of the Common Wealth who the fek decided to call it that... I'd much prefer to be part of an Empire with a death star than wimp about in a ... Common.... what common and wealth??? what wealth I thought the poms sucked us dry and dumped us when the going got tough... never mind better than being ruled by the French or the Germans... imagine if we had had to fight for the Nazis in world war two...

Hmmm lemme think... anything else running through what I call a brain... it is interesting that what goes on in America is of interest to me ... I'm talkin politics and money here people... cause I do not give a fuck about Russia... though China is interesting... by god they are smart little bastards... they have a housing bubble just like the rest of us... yanno what they did ... OK yea their houses are like only worth .50 cents each but hey their prices rose by 68% last year... now thats what I call a capital gain... anyway what they did to sort it out... first house buyer no change to the rules... wanna second house by the beach maybe? better have some cash baby as you need a 40% deposit as for that third house and any more you speculating assholes might want... you better be real rich cause there is no finance for a third house... cash up front... this was done by decree overnight... no congress and senate to cajole and bribe just a President with a big fat pen.... the interesting effect of this is...

1. The cash value of a house equals the value it represents as a desirable place to live..

2. The market is not distorted by speculators chasing a capital gain...

3. The money that the speculators were consuming ie forcing up interest rates... now has to seek a new home (excuse the pun) in other words... "hey you first home buyers have I got a deal for you I got plenty of money and it's cheap"

Well America the Chinese are coming and the only way to stop them is to Nuke them... sadly you guys might just have enough religious kooks to do the job.... by the way go easy on your President you tie his hands behind his back, leg trip him every chance you get and then expect a miracle cure... you should do that to your bankers and things might come right... look to China...

sorry for politics and religion but hell what else is there... Paris Hilton

Who me?

I’ve been thinking… I wish I wouldn’t… or in fact couldn’t… its been the bane of my life… I would like to let you know a little bit of myself… not too much dammit… I do not know that much about myself… ask my wife she seems to know me better…

However… I know this… I am not a social person I like being alone or in a crowd… funnily enough you can be just as solitary in a crowd… small gatherings are just torture… I either avoid, leave or go to sleep…. I have lived my life in the third person… feeling the emotion but not being the emotion… I have no interest in small talk or gossip I like to make meaningful connections with people… that go beyond the trivia…

I once met a woman… I was I suppose in my early twenties we interacted for about an hour and a half… I cannot remember what she looked like.. slender… medium length straight hair I never learned her name… when we parted she grabbed me by the shoulders drew me to her and kissed me warmly and generously on the mouth… if I had any brains I should have got her name and number and … and what… the point is there was a connection I felt it as did she and I will remember her warmly for the rest of my life…

I have carved out a niche in which I live my life emotionally, spiritually and physically… it’s not all I could have or would have… but I like it and it is comfortable…

All of you at the other end of this stuff the connections I have had with you are meaningful and valued…

Sorry to interrupt your viewing… normal transmission will recommence shortly..

me

Fans and assorted acolytes… I am settling into my work routine here after various dust ups… but then dust ups are just part of who I am… I have worked out after many years that even though I am mostly chicken shit…. I am what is known as a risk taker… as opposed to someone who never risks… that means I have a propensity to do stuff that could damage me…thank god I mostly do not get caught... as for the home front well the ML (mother in law) continues to tick along… though last night she hit the morphine hard took about three doses going from the syrup to the heavy duty pills… I leave for work before she is up and about so I do not know how she is this morning… but I would guess not good….

As for the good stuff… well … after many years I have bought my new chainsaw… it’s a 660 Stihl… this is the Rolls Royce of chainsaws and is what is known as a bush saw… all the forestry crews use this type… there is only one saw bigger in the range and that is an 880… I had it fitted with a 30 inch bar… as all women know there is nothing more useful than a big bar…… what this means is that I can now slice and dice big trees… two of which I have down at the moment waiting to be cut…

Now that is a good story… I was sitting in the bath (at home) doing bathy things… next thing I hear the crack, crack, crack of a big tree getting ready to fall… trust me I know this sound… it was so loud and close that I assumed it was one of the three big Lawson trees behind the house… and consequently within striking range of the bathroom and the bath tub…. It was too late to do anything… and anyway the choice was to run around the house naked or to die where I sat… being chicken shit I chose inaction and to cringe with every part of my body… trust me it felt safer… there was a humungous crunching crash and I went from concern for myself to concern for the cars parked out the back… on investigation I discovered that the 100 year old granddaddy pine 25 metres from the back door of the house was down… the noise was so loud neighbours from half a mile away came to see what had happened… the good thing is that I now have five years of firewood delivered almost into the fireplace and a big bar saw to deal to it… it’s all very male and manly…

I remain old and tired Uppie The Tasteless

Uppie*bleep*date

It's 2 fifteen in the morning here and it has taken me 20 minutes to to get to this page.... and you wonder why I never play silly facebook games and all the other online detritus...

Whine whine... dial up... whine grizzle... broad band etc... thats better and anyway you have heard it all before... lets get to the main event... it may be too late for all you old bags out there... no I did not call you an old bag... if you feel insulted it's because you have put yourself in that category... I just elucidated it... fek knows if that words quite right ... but hell... call me Sarah Palin and run me for President...

As I said old bags ... nada... but for a young thing like Shrimp this may be useful...

Kissing and Cuddling... yes girls thats the subject... the standard whine is... "you never kiss and cuddle me" followed by "You only kiss and cuddle me when want a f..." I did write the word but it made me cringe must be getting prissy in my dotage...

let me tell you the facts around this male female miss communication... the reason we do not kiss and cuddle is because once a woman reaches a certain age (read old bag here)... and she sidles up to you all slinky like... and as soon as you feel that warm soft skin and get a whiff of that feminine scent behind her ears and theres that firm pressure of her other assets through her clothing... its a natural thing start sliding your hand down to where the sun don't shine... well the thighs close like a vice and you get the second line that I quoted above...

Now girls... listen good.. its not that we don't want too (kiss and cuddle)... but there lies the path to sexual frustration.. best to not go there... saves grief and as for the second line...it's not that we do it because we want to bleep you... wanting to bleep is a natural result for the male of the kiss and cuddle... Shrimp I hope this is of assistance to you in the 10 or so years of sexual activity you have left... oh yes shrimp it does run out and sooner than you will expect... as for the rest of you in the immortal words of Tosh.O...

Na na a boo boo stick your head in Doo Doo

Uppiedate

Sorry to be in your mailbox so soon.... just a word on the reason I write this stuff... I write it to amuse myself hopefully it amuses you'all ... if not you should know how to block and delete... I do not expect replies... though to those of you that do... thanks I like it...

The reason you are on the list is because at some point in the last eight years you have amused me and I have enjoyed your personalities and attitudes.... especially those of you from the bootery... they were good days...

I absolutely hate facebook... I only really keep it because the kids are on there... do not be suprised if I get pissed and dump it...

last thing I have been away so long that I am still getting to grips with windows live if I make any mistakes please do not yell...

Cheers

THE EARTHQUAKE

Dammit ya'll ... I essay and exposay the minuet e of my pathetic life and all I get back is your concerns about the earthquake... let me remind you that the subject of the previous Uppiedate was "ME (of course)" It's by me about me and funnily enough FOR me... I do not even let family read this stuff...

Ok lets do the wrap on the quake... New Zealand is situated on, and I say right on the edge of the Pacific and Australasian tectonic plates... in fact the line of force or the "crack" for you ignorant fekkers neatly divides both Islands right up the middle... creating a string of dormant, inactive and active volcano's.... what this means is we get heaps of earth quakes of all sizes hence the nick name for the land of my birth "The Shaky Isles" ... I have experienced a few... mostly they give you a jolt and a laugh ... there have been a couple where I have been thinking... "If this does not stop soon I'm gunna get outa bed and do something" I do not know the hell what.. but maybe it is better to die running in panic than just lying there thinking about running in panic... anyway have not got out of bed yet... as for the Christchurch one it was a "get outa bed and run" quake... it was the same magnitude and proximity to life as the Haiti quake but you will notice it did not kill anyone... more luck than anything... but as I have lectured you people we are one lucky country... we have building standards etc which protect us... yes our local media are talking up the damage but quite frankly a few buildings fell down... only the old ones... and if your house happened to straddle the fault line it got split in two... the rest of us are fine and anyway it gives the government an excuse to spend money on real peoples physical needs instead of giving money to rich people who invested unwisely... (had to get that plug in there)

The real interesting thing is that we have a caldera... thats the big hole a volcano leaves when it explodes... called Lake Taupo... thats the water that filled it... that has erupted 29 times in the last 28,000 years... about every 700 years... the last time it went bang was 1700 years ago... even the Chinese noticed the glow in the sky and recorded it... (their civilization is way longer than ours) .. so it is overdue for it's next one...I think I live far enough away to avoid instant death.. but I am probably close enough to be pissed off by the ash cloud...

Fluffy as for the Financial stuff... do not get me started...

Diego... you are special.. you are one of the few male contacts I have that talks to me I appreciate that and enjoy your personality..

On that note I have pissed off most of the girls as well...

I remain seriously arrogant.... old bitter and unrepentant...

Uppie the faithless

me of course

Good morning to all of you... I hate to whine but feel I must... I started this... hang on this color is not right... snicker remember Uppie orange... OK I started this Uppiedate thing to amuse and inform a large group of people... this was obviously prior to facebook... if I had had any techo brains I could of invented facebook and made some money... never mind... Diego commented the other day that he missed my cynical asshole sense of humor... he is right ... sadly Diego after eight years of this online stuff I only have cynical left... I keep getting the urge to wipe my Facebook account and one day will... as I feel it does not provide me with the conversational outlet that I enjoy... as many of you keep telling me that you enjoy or should I say used to enjoy my ramblings... (if you really do .. good... if you are just humoring me.. please continue to do so)... I feel it is my duty (neigh as in horse) my religious obligation to continue the assault...

It's three in the morning here and I have been up since midnight keeping the mother in law company... as you know she is end lifing so to speak and though in a good patch as compared to a month ago... has been hitting the morphine over the last couple of days... there are two aspects to looking after her... the physical is not to bad... some times an effort but not really a burden for as a family we share it out... the other side is the emotional... her realization that her time on earth is limited and that with her illness and age things are not going to be pleasant... brings out emotions in all of us that are.. given the situation some times helpful but often not... so when your boss tells you that you and your fellow workers are a "team" and that you are all on a "journey" together... tell him to fuck off as he will be some single poser who does not know what team, journey or even together actually mean... did I mention I have lost my sense of humor... anyway it's good that mummy in law has a sense of humor... though even that fails her at times... as when you are really sick nothing really helps...

Subject three... the world financial situation... alright close your collective mouths people... for many years I have made a point of studying economics... not just the business side of reports, performance, markets etc... but the psychology of money and behaviors... it's a fascinating subject and very broad... if you want a good book try anything by Joseph Stiglitz (I love how Jews have those cute little Z'ds in their names)... I had an accountant tell me once many years ago that he would never invest money in the share market as it was run by crooks and thieves... at the time I thought he was a little bit strong on it... shows how much I knew... I thought that the Enron's etc were aberrations as all walks of life have their criminal elements... however again shows you how much I know... The one thing I have learned is that the rich and powerful make their living by sucking the life out of the rest of us... and thats fine because we let them do it and deserve what we get... no... the worst thing arising from the current financial morass is that the rich and powerful now know that there are no limits as to what they can do to us... they gambled away our life savings our job security and our faith in the financial system... then when they ran out of money ... the politicians that they have in their pockets told them... "never mind... we will replace all the money you have lost and tax your original victims to recoup our costs" ... hmmm I feel I'm paying twice here... at least Al Capone was an honest bastard...

obviously the situation is way more complicated than that... and I will cease to bore you anymore...

I will always remain

Uppie the Faithless (retired)

and looking for my sense of humor

by the way Fiend tell me about your new woman..

Shrimp greetings to you..

Fluffy you promised me email traffic... (insert growly face with a wink) I could never be mad at you..

Yes Uppie, your blog is still being uppiedated

First up... sorry about the hack job on my account I spose they target inactive accounts as that then gives them time to utilize them without being detected... I seem to have it under control now... I have trimmed down my Uppiedate list mainly because ... well hell I'm sort of battening down the hatches, so to speak, on who I am...

The Mother in-law thing means I have house fulls of visitors and am cooking and cleaning for the many... not a bad thing as it gives you a reason for breathing...

As for her condition... she got really bad, so bad in fact that you check to see if she is breathing every hour or so... well we got the doctor out to check her and he took blood for testing ... within half an hour of him getting the results back the ambulance arrived and we were off to the hospital... she was in for about five days and they gave her a blood transfusion... sort of like a grease and oil for the body... four bags of blood one of iron and numerous vitamin k injections all intravenous... The hospital service and dramas are a whole book in themselves... anyway the upshot is that it perked her up... amazing really... but it only lasts two to three weeks... she was only out a week and she got a cold which dam near killed her and we rushed her down to the local hospital to put her on the oxygen and other stuff.. they gave her an injection of morphine and that made her happy... I felt like asking for one for myself ... or better still the wife...

and and and..

I'm back to work tomorrow after five weeks off.... ahhh let me just express my anticipation and interest at this prospect or should I just cuss...

lastly.. I baby sat my eleven year old niece last night as all the rest were down at the hospital we ate chocolate and pudding and watched "the girl with the dragon tattoo" and "the time travellors wife" I do not think she liked the rape scene in tattoo... but then neither did I... I only felt a little guilty about the content... thank god travellor was easier going...

Cheers to those of you that are left... and Fiend are you still editing my blog or have you given up on me..?